Monday, 15 December 2008

Mad Libs

Dear Yvonne,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but your nostrils are insulting. I think I realized it when you finally changed your underwear in your car and poured syrup on my boyfriend. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that I may pee my pants. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your neighbours dog as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and you should get that embarrassing rash checked.

Your everlasting enemy,

Evette

My BFF Yvonne had this on her blog and because I not one original thought in my head I thought I would have a go! Hehe! Have a go if you like...here are the instructions.

Dear (someone),I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and (4)(5).I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory.You should also know that I (10) and (11).(12),(Your name).

1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your dog
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When you smacked my ass
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - when i quoted forest gump
July – when you put cuffs on me
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When u finally changed ur underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the colour of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Carve your initials into
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Put whipped cream on
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - vexed
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Other - Slutty

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - The cut toenails
Red - Your Hannah Montanna underwear
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink(ish) - Your love letters to me
Other - The pictures from Vegas

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your collection of butterflies
C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbor dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - your virginity
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your glass eye
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Haven’t showered in a month
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F - i hate your cooking
G/H – am better off without you
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X- I told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Y/Z-bought tampons from winn dixie

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism Is Weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Other – Thanks for the Cocaine

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Italy - Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself about the bruise

Monday, 1 December 2008

Some people should REALLY mind thier own business!

First things first...some background information...

Our little man hasn't been very well recently with a terrible cold. Smiley and I are planning on moving back to Canada in July of 2010 and I'm exclusively breastfeeding.

Now...for my rant.

Yesterday Smiley and I headed into London to catch Expo-Canada to fill in some blanks on moving back home as Smiley and Zachary are both British. We needed to take an hour long tube ride and change twice to get there. I tried feeding Zachary before we left but he didn't want much...heck...if you're not hungry, you're not hungry.

As expected Zachary fell straight to sleep the moment the train (tube) started moving and he stayed that way all the way till our last change over. We had one stop to go and we were waiting for the tube on a crowded platform. Zachary woke up and realized he was hungry so started screaming. The tube stop we were waiting at was above ground and yesterday it was quite chilly out and knowing our tube would be arriving any minute I rocked the buggy and 'Shhhhhh', 'Shhhhh'. I figured he could wait just a little bit longer till we got to our destination.

This shabby lady...closely resembling a bag lady came over and asked if he was hungry...I replied that he probably was but we were just one stop away from our destination and he could wait. She proceeded to tell me that when adults get hungry we get a small grumble but when babies get hungry they get severe cramps and should be fed immediately. I told her I wasn't about to get my boob out there (not because I'm shy but because it was cold) and he would be fine to wait a couple of minutes. She went away...

Two minutes later she came back and 'informed' me that I needed to feed my baby right now and that I shouldn't care what people think and my baby's comfort was much more important. I told her to go away and mind her own business and how dare she tell me how to raise my own child and what did she know...at one point I even grabbed her arm to push her away from us. I was furious and told her to get away from me and stormed off.

I ran into a couple of people with the push chair because I was so mad (I apologised) and Zachary was asleep by the time I got far enough away from the crazy lady.

It just makes me mad that some people feel that they have the right to butt into our business no matter what it may be. Ok...I know Pot, Kettle...Black...as I do like to 'help' people and probably stick my nose in where it doesn't belong but never with strangers.

Whatever happened to 'Mother knows best'? Ok...sometimes we do need help but I know my baby and knew he would be fine for 10 minutes or so. Turns out he stayed asleep till we got to the venue and I actually had to wake him up to feed him.

I just wish that I hadn't let the homeless bag lady upset me so much!