You know when you have a conversation with God and you think you understand, and then something happens and you think. Yes, this is from God...and well, it may be, but these things don't always play out how you think they should. This happened to me yesterday, I was super tired as well and I wear my heart on my sleeve and I was sad. Sad that things weren't going the way I thought they should go. So I cried...of course I did. Crying for me is often very therapeutic and part of my healing process. Not something to be ashamed of. I'm still a little sad but I know that things will work out as they should and as God wills them to be, not my will or plan. I do need constant reminding of this.
Today I went to church. The first time in a while as my work schedule is sporadic and most Sunday's Z has hockey. I was feeling down and still very tired although I slept incredibly well last night. I didn't want to be alone at church. I'm in the process of transitioning to a new church. I believe I have found one with a strong youth base where Z can learn and grow as he was not being fulfilled at the church I call home. This was a hard decision to make but essential for my son's spiritual health. I was late because I was tired and struggled to get out of bed ("I can't" was putting up a good battle this morning) and decided to go to my "home" church as they start later and I know I am always loved and accepted there. On my way out of the house my friend who goes to our new church reached out and encouraged me to come even though I would be late. I did, and I'm glad I went. The sermon was about "Becoming strong through serving others" This reminded me of my last year in Corps Cadets when I was in grade 12. The theme was "Servant Leaders"and our end of year sleepover at the church gym the leaders washed our feet. My sock ended up in the water during this very quiet and solemn event but something I think about with fondness every time John 13 is read. In verse one I was reminded that God has the perfect time for everything...not my time...God's time.
So, a couple of "I can't" updates...This week I organised some shift swaps to enable me to go to a celebration of life on Thursday 💜something I needed to do. I often struggle to sleep a full day in between two night shifts but I slept all day and needed it but didn't exercise and didn't do my scripture writing but I didn't give up. I knew that Sunday's are a rest day so I have taken the time today to do my scripture writing that I missed. Last night I was supposed to go to my book club meeting but I was SO tired and felt it would be dangerous to drive so I decided to stay home. I wrestled with the thought that I was staying home because I was still sad but knew I was actually just making a good choice to rest and get a good nights sleep and not endanger anybody's lives by driving so sleep deprived. This morning was hard. Like I said, I was really tired this morning but also feeling very down but didn't want to be alone. Originally my plan was to get up and go for a run and then go to church...but that didn't happen. I turned off my alarm and looked at the weather, -1...brrr....so stayed in bed and fell back to sleep until 9:30. Darn that daylights savings! But I did drag my butt out of bed and go to church and went for a run after Z got home. I was tired and sore from my workout on Thursday (STILL!) but the run felt good and Z got to go for a little bike ride while I ran. After church I stopped for some drive through lunch on my way home. I hadn't eaten since yesterday so grabbed WAY too much for me and ate the sandwich on the drive home and then contemplated the chili once I got home for about an hour before managing to put it away in the fridge for later. This is a huge win for me. I LOVE food and when I can't decide what to eat I'll often get two things and eat them both! GAH! So the chili will keep and I feel like I'm winning today against "I can't."
Day three and four scripture writing
Philippians 3:10-11 - this one was short and I did it yesterday instead of going to book club. I'm not sure if I was just very tired or if I didn't understand it. 😕 But I don't have to have something insightful to say every day.
Mark 1:12-15 - Mark is very concise...sometimes I want a little more detail. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert being tempted by Satan...tell me more...What I do know is though Jesus was tempted, he did not falter. That's why he's the son of God. I falter every. single. day.
"The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news." - Repent and believe. Yup, every single day.
Today was a difficult day. I felt very tired and down this morning but pushed through my can't's and am ready for the week ahead of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment